Day 98 - He answers

Over the last couple of days I have had certain topics arise in my life that left me with questions and frustrations. They were both on separate days and awakened a lot of feelings in me. Both nights I opened my bible study guide and literally the topic of each day was an answer or an explanation to my frustration or hurt. Both days I read three pages of text that explained exactly what I was wondering and neither were broad topics or related. It was like God was writing me emails and dropping them in my inbox. I know it sounds corny, but it's 100% true. Things that were on my heart were answered for me right there in plain sight. It is amazing and a little freaky at the same time, but in a good way of course.

Our hearts are a sensitive place, they bare a lot of weight and besides keeping us alive, they also breathe life into our soul. I have had more on my heart over the last 4 months than I can ever remember in my life. It's not just sadness or stress; it's also joy and love. It's just a mix of everything. I think it's not just the events that have unfolded that have caused this, but it's also the deep introspection I have done. I have always been introspective by nature, but now I am really diving into my faith, my life and my purpose. I try to find meaning in the nature of what happens around me. I think all of this is easier to do in a crisis than in times where life is sailing a bit smoother.

To feel like God is not only listening to me during my heartfelt thinking but is answering me directly, makes me feel like I am in the right place, crisis or not. I have said it before, my life right now is nothing like I thought it would be like. In fact, it is so far opposite of where I had dreamed. But at the same time my heart and my character is in a place that is more than I could have imagined and to be truthful, I wouldn't give it up, not for all the things I had thought I wanted. God had to strip me down, take away all of my possessions and teach me who I truly am so I can see what I am capable of. I liked who I was before, but I love who I am becoming now. There is no stopping me on my journey and people who tried to tear me down before have no hold on me now. Every day may not be better but I can become a better person bit by bit every day.