Day 91 - I got through it

Yesterday sucked. I am trying to think of a more eloquent word but I can't. It was the kind of day where you know you want it to be over about an hour after you wake up and by the end of the day it actually turns out worse than you imagined. Sick kids, vomit on the couch, important plans cancelled, Gatorade on the rug, crying, whining, no naps, high fever, more whining, lots and lots more crying and not one minute to take a breath. I was so exhausted by the time Mark came home that I fell asleep for an hour and a half after dinner. Obviously it was just a bad day; nothing to be devastated about and everything to still be thankful for, but it was awful in its own rite. I know we have all experienced these days no matter who we are and what we do, unfortunately they are a part of life and they will always sneak up on us and make us say, "hey not fair."

I have to tell you something about today though. I got through it like I never have before. I may have been miserable, but I was calm. I may have been crying on the inside (a lot), but I kept reminding myself it would eventually be over. Instead of trying to do everything, I asked for help. Instead of stretching myself thinner, I gave things up. Instead of taking my frustration out on my hubby, I took a deep breath. Instead of yelling at the kids, I stayed positive (and I laughed a bit too). I actually did not know who I was or why this change had happened, but it made a huge difference. Every little thing made a difference yesterday. The day still sucked (a lot) but at the end of the day, when there was finally some quiet, I felt peace instead of anxiety. I had enough peace that I was okay knowing that today will probably be no better.

I am not taking any personal credit for this or claiming that God struck me down with a miracle. I am attributing it to the difference My Year of Faith has made so far, just 91 days in. I think that everything I have learned and discovered has sunk into my soul and has started to give me an inner peace that I have never had before. Maybe it's the realization that God is in control or that I am not, that helped me ride the wave of craziness yesterday, but whatever it was, it made all of the difference. I think that every bible verse I have posted, all the soul searching I have done, all of the sermons I have listened to and all the prayers I have written have all come together in my heart and have started to create a better me. Having to give up a lot, face adversity, feel a lot of disappointment and live off of faith has opened my eyes. Yesterday I noticed a big change in who I am.

A little bit of faith goes a long way.