Day 108 - Letting it all go

Here is a prayer I wrote in my Prayer Journal on Saturday:

"God, I have had a long week and I feel beat down and exhausted. I have so many feelings swirling in my head that I can't quite relax. Please bless me with peace this weekend so I can enjoy all of your grace."

I am saying this prayer again to God for this upcoming week. I have been feeling a lot of anxiety, which I can pinpoint to a few things:

1. My daughter has been sick, which with her asthma means long nights and the good possibility of my other two getting sick this week.
2. Mark is moving forward to phase two from one of his interviews (fingers crossed and prayers needed). This is awesome! But, talking about finances when it comes to a new job really gives me anxiety. I feel like nothing is paying what we need, but I know I am not seeing the whole picture.
3. I am still nervous about Brody getting into the charter school, although that anxiety doesn't feel as anxious anymore. Either God is preparing my heart for disappointment or I am just at peace with whatever happens (or are they the same thing?).
4. I feel very anxious about my future and the plans God has for me. I feel like he has opened the envelope for me but I am darn stuck in what I am supposed to do next. The big picture is HUGE but how the heck do I get there?
5. Our calendar through May is FULL. Our weekdays and weekends are packed and that really eats at me. I am a person who needs a little solitude to reenergize and having jam packed days makes that hard.
6. I did a lot of praying for other people in my prayer journal this weekend. I think that reflecting on my prayers for others makes me feel anxious too! I want so many things for so many people. I also found out over this last month that a lot of peoples' prayers were not answered the way they wanted them to be. It's hard to watch.
7. I think I just feel a little depressed and I can share that with you because I have already poured my heart out on the subject. I think when my world feels out-of-control it is my body's defense mechanism to shut it out a little.

Learning to leave your fears and anxiety at the door is a process. I know that I can do it because I have been successful at it during this trying time. I have been surprised at how well I have been able to have so much faith! For some reason I just let a lot catch up at the same time. So here I am staring Monday morning in the face and I am closing my eyes and letting it all go. I am accepting the fact that I can only live each day one at a time and that I have enough faith to let God handle the big things so that I can take care of today. I am doing it right now as I type these words. Deep breath and it's gone. I am also praying the prayer I copied at the beginning of this post and letting the words sink inside of me. I am living for patience, faith and peace this week so that I can enjoy God's grace. I hope that if you are filled with anxiety, fear or whatever, that you can do it with me.