Day 1 - The First Day of a New Year

Today is the first day of 2011. Usually I wake up on New Year's Day with hope and inspiration burning in my heart. I can feel all the possibilities swirling in my head and I am excited for what the new year brings. In general I am an optimist and I look at the brighter side of life. But, today I woke up tired, worn out and pretty disillusioned. I felt beat down and uninterested in what this new year stood for in my life. Not an ideal way to start the year, right?

I can remember four specific times that I have had a very intimate and life changing conversation with God, times when He told me what to do or how things would be. One was in a dream, one was in the shower, one was on an operating table and today's was in the kitchen. The one in my dream caused me to create The OC Walk to Remember as a tribute to friends that were lost to suicide. The one in the shower was when I was told not to worry about the medical problems we were scared of for my husband (and they were fine), the one on the operating table was when I was calmed down from excruciating fear in the c-section of my third child and the one in the kitchen was about this blog. I don't hide from these conversations, they are unlike normal quiet time or prayer. I know what these are and I run with them. I know to trust them.

And so here I am, awakened from my earlier despair and lack of optimism for 2011. For you see, 2010 felt unkind so how could I possibly think that 2011 would be any better? I started 2010 with extreme hope and exuberance that that year would finally be better for us, that everything would turn around and that we would get out of our rut. But it didn't and we didn't. It's funny though, in the year that felt the most unkind my faith grew the most, to proportions that don't make sense. But isn't that how it always works? God may not give us everything we want but he can make us mature and grow in ways we never could have imagined. Isn't that blessing enough? Isn't it a tangled web we weave? Where we can grow great lengths but that it doesn't fix all of our problems? That we still feel unhappy and beat down?

Let me write a little disclaimer. I have an amazing life. I am extremely blessed. We are healthy, happy and have everything that we need. All I ever really want is healthy children and to make sure our family of five is together. I am so lucky. But in life, even when we have the things that matter the most, we still have other obstacles that we have to face. We all deal with finances, personal problems, our health, are purpose, relationships... the list is endless. So while I may complain or be unhappy about what I am facing in life, know that I am forever thankful for the blessings I do have. And I count my blessings every day.

So let me cut to the chase. What is this blog? The year 2010 was supposed to be My Year of Hope. As I mentioned before, I went into it wide-eyed with possibility. I believed that the things I was most worried about would magically be fixed in 2010. And they weren't. But as I reflect on it, I realized that 2010 was the year that I learned to have real hope. Hope is that driving force that keeps you focused on the belief that things can change and that possibilities are endless. Hope made me a better person. Hope gave me a feeling that I cannot describe. And hope is what makes me take any situation and realize that I can get through is. Hope is something that I never want to live without. So although my problems weren't fixed in 2010, through a series of events and happenings, God taught me what real hope is and he gave me a year that opened me up to becoming a better human. Hope has allowed me to survive all of the disappointments that 2010 brought and to know that all of it is just temporary.

And so (I'm getting there).... I am writing this blog to detail the year 2011, My Year of Faith. One definition of faith is, "belief, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof." This blog details 2011 and my Faith in God, my faith in the promises He gives us through His word, my faith in humanity, my faith in the heart and my faith in myself. My hope is that my journey can inspire your journey. That I can find faith in the Bible, in devotions that I read, in things that I see and in others and I can share them with you to help inspire you and to help you have a Year of Faith as well. As much as we all need hope, we need faith to keep moving forward when we don't want to. After all, faith is what got me out of bed this morning and it is what prompted me to start this blog. I will be here daily to share My Year of Faith with YOU.