Day 3- Doubtful, lost, empty and desperate

I constantly doubt my abilities and myself. I question if I will ever do anything good enough (in my own eyes). After being laid off in 2008 we lost half of our income. I liked contributing in such a large way to our life. I still feel like I am nowhere near as successful as I was then. I feel lost because I have no idea what plans God has for me. Sometimes I feel empty because I am searching so hard for the answers and I am so desperate to know my purpose in life. I want God to tell me right now why things have happened the way they have and what is going to happen in the future. I feel all these feelings all the time- doubtful, lost, empty and desperate. Can you relate to any of these? I basically have lost faith in myself.

Why am I telling you this? I am a very confident person, I am a go-getter and I do a lot! I know that God has great plans for me. But even knowing all of this I still feel inadequate. I am realizing that my lack of faith in myself is due to my lack of patience and my lack of faith in God. I want control and it's the loss of control that makes me feel shutdown.

I keep a prayer journal that I write prayers in on a weekly basis for my family, friends and sometimes strangers. I also write down notes from sermons and devotionals. I just went back to 4/18/2010 and saw the words "just have faith" highlighted on that page. Underneath it is this note, "on your journey, the path to a miracle is always through uncomfortable territory." Yes I am uncomfortable, yes I am on a journey and yes I need a miracle. But yes, if I have faith I know that it will all happen for me.

So daily, I am going to remember that I need to have faith in God and that He has placed me on this amazing journey that He has promised me. That I need to have patience with the process. And, that I need to have faith in myself, no matter how uncomfortable it is.