Day 9 - More to my story

I have already shared a lot with you, but it's not the whole story. I have many other parts of my life that I want to share, but this part really exemplifies my faith and some of why this blog was created. I said that 2010 wasn't our best year, it wasn't even in the running. I don't remember it starting particularly great but I know it didn't end well. Well to be fair, the holidays were perfect because nothing is better than being with family and friends and getting to play Santa. But, on December 3rd my husband got laid off from his job. Remember I mentioned we were on one income since I never went back to work after being laid off? Well now we are on none. Not a particularly fun way to end the year.

I don't know who thinks it's a good idea to lay someone off in the month of December. I'm sure it's good for some kind of fiscal budget, but it is certainly not good for the person being laid off. I remember someone told me it's probably better than being laid off at the first of the year because you go spending all your money on Christmas presents and then realize you can't pay them off. But I would have to say that no, the first of the year would be much better. At least you have a fighting chance of getting a job during your severance period; no one is hiring during the holidays. My husband worked his butt off and managed to get two interviews before Christmas. That alone was a miracle in itself and even those jobs are in no hurry to make a decision. It sucks. I can't think of any better words to describe it.

But, here's the thing. The week before Mark got laid off I was literally crying and praying to God to please help us. Mark had a great job and was providing for us, but we were still in a hole financially. We can't seem to catch up from me losing my job. We have had to sell our house, move to a rental and move again. It hasn't been easy. We just want to feel like we are doing more than surviving. I know that most of you know exactly how I feel. So when Mark got the call and literally hand gestured to me that he was being laid off, at that second, the only thing I could say to myself was, "I asked for this." No really, I have been asking for this for a long time. Sure not before Christmas and I was hoping a job would miraculously appear while he had a job, but I had been begging God to please help us out. And this was an answer to my prayers. So I didn't worry. I was in shock but I knew that everything would be okay. God was going to provide for us and Mark was going to get a better job that would pay us more and we could maybe have a fighting chance at reclaiming our finances back.

But our story isn't over, in fact you will get to see what happens. As of now it has been more than a month, there is no job and severance is basically done. There have been two interviews and no concrete leads have come since then. My hubby has been hard at work looking for a job, he is a rock star with a great resume. I have not panicked or faltered since December 3rd because this is what I asked for, but I'm not going to lie, on Friday I started to panic. I can't help it, I have three children and bills to pay. I am human and I am scared. It's not shameful to admit you are scared.

All of this was in my mind when I started this blog. The only thing I can go by is faith right now. I can't make someone give my husband a job. All I can do is keep reminding myself that I prayed for help and this is the path to my prayer. This is great faith. This circumstance will take more faith than I have had to give so far, or maybe it just feels like that right now. After all, in the past few years God has provided us with exactly what we needed, sometimes in the last hour. He has always come through. So when I feel like crying, I will let a few tears come out, but then I will buck up and trust that this will work out. And, I will keep you in step along the way. Remember, this is our journey of faith... we are doing it together.

Please pray for us!

(And yes we did go to Disneyland, but it was our Christmas gift from my parents. I feel the need to mention that because I know someone had to have thought that it was inappropriate to spend money like that when you have none. Although as I write this, I am deciding that I probably will not have disclaimers like this in future posts, you are just going to have to trust me. Remember, FAITH).