Day 364 - A letter

Dear God,

How does one write a thank you letter to you? I have already written it in my heart a million times and I know I have whispered it to you on my knees in prayer. But this time, well this is the thank you note that will be saved forever.

Why did you find me so worthy of this journey? This lesson, this change, this growth? Everyone looking in saw it as devastation, and I must admit I felt that way many times too, but it was abundantly clear that although it would be difficult, we would survive. You handpicked me and blessed me with knowledge and truths that were whispered to me over this year. Perhaps in times of trouble, you whisper to everyone but they cannot hear? Why was I lucky enough to hear it so clearly from the beginning? That this was my journey and that it would all be for good and not to harm us? That sometimes you need to take things away from us, or perhaps make us wait, so that we can see the true miracles of life. I feel abundantly blessed coming from my most difficult year. Thank you for your grace.

I am sitting here with little money in my wallet and an abundance of bills to pay, and yet I feel joyful. I feel grateful. I feel close to you. Lord, I know that you have been working on me for quite awhile now. I saw it coming, but I think I tried to hide my eyes. When you took it all away, I was ready. You had already manifested patience, trust, and faith into my heart so that I would be able to keep moving forward. You lit a spark inside of me, and held my hand when I was scared. You gave us just enough to get by, but you also took just enough away so we could see what it was like to be on the other side. We saw what it was like to really struggle day-to-day. To have so much uncertainty and to always be waiting for the last minute. You made us meek, you humbled us, and you turned our lives around. You made us uncomfortable and you made us rely on other people. And yet, you showed us what love truly is. You showed us the true human spirit, the kindness of others, and how we should spend our lives serving others. You forced us to see the big picture. There were a lot of tears and I tried to bargain, but in the end you had it all planned out. It was on your time instead of mine, and that is always perfect timing.

Today, I am so thankful for the life that you have given me. For every moment that taught me the importance of family, shelter, and food on the table. Thank you for allowing me to wake up each day to my husband and to my children. Thank you for all of the small miracles and the big laughter that surrounded us. I understand what a home really is right now, it's wherever we are together. Thank you for giving us opportunities in the new year to get our life back on track. Thank you for showing me that I am worthy of your love and that no one can take that away from me. Thank you for teaching me that my goodness comes from within me, and not from anyone else. Thank you for giving me the words every day to leave here on my blog, and thank you for every single person who reads them.

My faith is strong, my heart is centered, and my eyes are focused. I know that it will not be easy, but I will keep moving forward, towards the next mountain, adventure, or pit that waits for me. I can make it through anything, because I know that I can trust you and that my faith will carry me wherever I need to go. When life seems like it is too much to bear, I will remember that I will not drown. I will remember that I am not alone.

Thank you for everything. For the good, the bad, the devastating, the ugly, the cruel, the joyful, and for peace. You have shown me that we cannot truly see your plans, until we are looking back. That in every situation, there is a miracle and a blessing hidden within, we just have to have the courage and the faith to see it through. Thank you for giving me a 365-day lesson about real faith.

Forever grateful,