Day 89 - At home

I realize that when you read my posts it may seem like I am unhappy being a stay-at-home mom or it's not fulfilling enough for me, but that's not how I feel.

When I was working I never had any intention of being a stay-at-home mom. I was so happy being a mom and having a career, I felt like I had it all and my son was well adjusted and a very happy boy. It was exactly as I had always imagined it would be. I always knew I would go to college, get a great job and work my butt off to have a great career and a happy family at home.

God had different plans for me. I was laid off on my first day back from maternity leave with my daughter and at the time I couldn't imagine going to get a new job right away, so my plan was to look for a job (how hard could it be) and stay home and be a mommy for awhile. Of course in my mind it was just temporary. I have the funniest stories of trying to adjust to life as a stay-at-home mom with two kids, especially since it wasn't what I had planned for. I have amazing mom friends who put me to shame because they were literally born to be mothers. They nurture, teach, do amazing outings, and so much more. I am not one of them; in fact I hate the park. You would totally have to know me to know what a big adjustment it was! Well one year led to another, job hunts all came to a dead end, and I grew into this place of being the main caregiver for my kids. It became very clear to me that once again, God literally pushed me into place. I never would have done it on my own; I would not have given up my career. He wants me to be with my kids and I love being with them. No one else can take care of them like I do. I cannot ignore the obvious ways God made this happen, even on the hardest days with tantrums, tears and fits or when I feel like I am not being the person I THINK God made me to be. It's funny how sometimes we think we know better.

We all have places we want to be. There are moms who feel they were born to be a stay-at-home mom but cannot right now. There are men and women unemployed and struggling. There are people who feel stuck in a job. How do we know if it's God's will for our life or if we should be doing something else? Pray about it, ask God to speak to you, look for obvious signs and don't ignore them when they are not the ones YOU want. Take time to really gain perspective on where you have come, where you are now and where you are going. Be obedient, do some soul searching, accept the fact that you are not in control and be thankful for what you do have. These are things I am learning every day.