Sunday, March 27, 2011

Day 86 - Pity party anyone?

Today I am having a pity party. When talking about what my current job is with an old friend, I felt really lame. I had nothing to say. It's not that I don't love my little business or being at home with my kids, but I worked really hard for a lot of years expecting to be in a much more prestigious place. My current situation does not reflect how hard I worked at getting my BA or how much I gave up to get my MBA while working and being a new mom. My current situation does not show how hard I worked at my old job and how many ladder rungs I climbed there. Right now I don't feel like where I am reflects who I am at all. It's really hard for me and today it felt like a kick in the gut. I felt like a loser (and no one made me feel like that but myself).

I think that this is a lesson in pride, materialism and happiness that I haven't learned fully yet. In general I am really optimistic about our future and whatever God must have planned for me, but I can't shake my desire for more. I can't shake my disappointment for what I am not doing right now. I can't hide that I have always worked towards being personally and financially successful and that is still something my heart misses. I just feel lost and I feel like all the hard work I did was for nothing. I have nothing to show for any of it.

So that's my pity party and like I have always said, now it's time to move on. So tomorrow will be a new day and I will keep my head up and have faith that what God has planned for me is good work; work I will be proud of someday. I am going to have to remind myself something I have taped to my computer:

God I want your will, not mine.


Posted by Amanda at 11:35 PM

3 comments:

  1. The Shaft'sMarch 28, 2011 at 9:46 AM

    But your job does not define you! And your current job DOES show how hard you are working, you are molding the future generation and maintaining a family (AND you have a business!), all the while in an area of the world that is very expensive and hard to live in. I know that what you are feeling is something a lot of women feel. I get it though, I am struggling (as you know) with my current "job." I try and remember what I am really doing and it is no small task and this weekend I was hit with that reality and an ah-ha moment. :)

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  2. evaMarch 28, 2011 at 2:03 PM

    your education, work ethic and big heart are yours; yours no matter what. I don't know too many women with three kids and a business who as as strong as you and get as much done as you do. I am impressed by you, always have been!

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  3. UnknownMarch 29, 2011 at 11:44 AM

    All that hard work has paid off and will continue to pay off no matter what you do because it has made "you" who "you" are. And NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU.
    Congrats on your past accomplishments, your daily mini accomplishments and here's to your future accomplishments!!
    XOXO
    Lauren

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