Day 84 - My days

There is so much on my mind today and I am having a hard time focusing on writing this post.

I have been turning away design work like I said I would, but I have so much going on with projects that need to be finished so I have been up until 1am every night. I am exhausted. I'm confused on what God wants me to be doing right now and I am still not getting that rest or that quality time with my hubby that I was aiming for. Every week I just hope the next week starts getting better, but it doesn't.

I have also really been struggling with my eating habits right now, big time. I am using food to cope with the stress, but then I am stressed about my body and the way I look. I don't even like looking in the mirror. I know that I need to pray about this more and give it to God but somehow it never gets done. God, can you hear me? Please help me get my self-control back. Please help me to love myself enough to take care of myself.

Today was also full of a few big disappointments. Navigating your kids and yourself through those can be tricky and exhausting. I also normally walk the fine line between being really conscientious of other people's feelings and sticking up for myself and doing what is best for my family. Today in a situation where I would normally just leave things, I stuck up for my family.... it felt good.

I was also reminded today that when other people let you down (either on purpose or unintentionally), your parents and family will always be there to help make things better (thanks Mom).

Today is my sweet baby girl's 3rd birthday and I am in awe of how much she has grown. I love everything about her, even the way she challenges me most days. She is going to be fiercely independent and stubborn (like her mom). I just pray that I am raising her to be the best woman that she can be.

And, my mind won't turn off thinking about Jessie whom I posted about yesterday. I think about her, her parents, everything about the circumstance and I weep. And then I read her dad's posts and see:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6.34

Each day does have enough trouble. I think about today and all the things I just said that were on my mind. It's a lot. I know you can relate to them though; Stress, anxiety, busyness, disappointment, struggle, not loving yourself, temptation, heartache, fear and deep love. Our circumstances may be different but we are still the same. We may internalize differently but we all feel. And yet, God tells us just to worry about what we have to worry about today. So that must mean that we need to have faith for tomorrow and the next day, and next day, and so on. And, maybe with our faith we just continue to pray, instead of worry, about all the things we cannot forget or struggle with. We just hand the tomorrows and the yesterdays over to God so that we can live for the moment, for the today.

I'm still trying to figure this all out.