Day 267 - My identity lies in my faith

I use to show people my love by giving them gifts, buying them dinner, or giving them some kind of token of appreciation. I put a lot of thought into everything I would purchase, no matter what it was for. I would constantly buy things for my friends, kids, husband, family members, teachers, etc. and if I wasn't showing love by buying something, I was showing it by designing something, whether it was invitations or decorations. Being crafty and making beautiful things was done with love at all times. It takes money to do all of that and not being able to has really put me in a bit of a tailspin. Taking away your main supply of love is a real eye-opener that takes a long time to get use to. Instead of giving, I have to receive. And after I receive, I can't give back. It all goes back to something I have said more than once through this journey; that I feel like my identity was taken away. I feel like life is going against my very nature.

 When I think about how I don't feel like myself and how I cannot do so many things that use to define me, I tell myself that someday I will be back to my old self again, crafting beautiful things, buying gifts and showing my love the way that makes me the most happy. And while I look forward to that again, I have realized that my identity now clearly lies in my faith. That is all I have. Even my clothes are old and worn in, my shoes have holes and blemishes and my computer just sits full of possibilities of beautiful things to do. I have spent the last nine months watching others do all of the things I love and I have seen them flourish in my old areas of identity. God has tied my hands so that there is absolutely nothing I can do but watch, long for it, and then move on. I have had to use my words instead of my talents to show my love. But, when I think about it more, having your identity lie entirely in your faith, even if for a brief period of time is a gift. It may not be a gift in a beautiful bow, but it is a gift nonetheless. I have to love myself for exactly who I am, not what I do. Others have to love me for who I am, not what I can give. There is nothing to hide behind, there is nothing extravagant, and there is nothing unique; all I can be is the true shell of who I am when you take away the things that we often hide behind. My faith is my strength, my faith is my identity and my faith is my love.