Day 266 - The next step is His call

Every now and then I surprise myself, I look at the way I react to a situation and I think, "Wow, I have come a really long way." In particular I look at the meeting Mark is about to have and realize what a huge deal this is. We have known about it for around six weeks and I feel like we have an infinite amount of hope and faith invested in it. My mind initially says three things when I think about the meeting, "We need this," "It might not happen," and "If this is God answering our prayers I am ready and if not I can be patient even longer." Financially we need this right now, although I probably have said that more than once and he has sustained us this long. I am also a realist and I keep telling myself that there is a good chance this will not work out, we have had our hopes bundled in a few baskets already this year and none of them fell through. But, most of all I am at peace that it either happens or it doesn't and I know that God will fulfill his promises when it's time and it's only up to Him if it is time yet. My faith understands that I cannot control, dictate or will something to happen on my own. Other than prayer, it is completely out of my hands. And to be honest, God has clearly been working in our lives on this particular journey so I don't want any other ending than the one He has already prepared for us at the start. This exact moment in our life is not about being in a financial crisis or losing our prior identity, although from the exterior that is what you see. This moment is about God literally transforming our lives, testing us and allowing us grow and blossom more than we ever could have imagined. Other than our finances, everything else has flourished. So, while I am more than ready to have a financial foothold again (it has been harder than I could ever express in words), I am also faithful enough to be patient and to know that the next step is His call. I never felt as strongly about that as I do now. I may be eating an extra cookie or two in anticipation, but I am really at peace and just eager to know what the answer is.