Let's face it; I had a little pity part last week. I think it was actually healthy because so much stress had built up and I just needed to get all of my emotions out. It's been 9.5 months of waiting, of going without, of watching things get worse and of teetering on the edge of more changes. It's exhausting and so I took a week off from being joyful. I let myself be worried and feel sad. But I'm back now and even though the problems are still there I feel joy again. I feel blessed at how great the rest of my life is. I can still laugh, have fun, love my kids, have a voice, make an opinion, take pictures and be exactly who I am. I am so fortunate. Money shouldn't control your life, your friendships, your choices or your well-being. It just shouldn't, plain and simple. Trust me, I know it makes life easier, but it does not equal joy in any shape.
I love that even in my week off from joy, I did not lose faith. I did not lose my faith in God, my self or my husband. My faith is dialed in now, always on my mind and in my heart. Sure I asked God a lot of question about why we are in this position, but I never felt abandoned and I never felt like I was ready to throw in the towel with Him. And, to be honest, even if I had that would be okay because I am right back where I should be right now.
This year has taught me a lot about what it means to be weak. Our society tells us that weakness is not having enough, being enough or being strong enough. That is a bunch of bologna. The weaknesses I see are being greedy, not being humble, not being honest and serving only your self. So while I had a bad week, I was not that kind of weak. My emotional strength was just weak. But I am back now, ready to face life head on and ready to feel joy even on the toughest days. Ready to be thankful for all of the great things life offers me that are free to enjoy on a daily basis, like friendship and love.
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