Day 213 - Today

I feel like I have not given any specific updates on our situation lately. There is not a lot to tell unfortunately, Mark has had some promising interviews but unfortunately there is no urgency to hire in the marketplace right now. There is however a lot of waiting and that is what he is doing. Companies that he interviewed with months ago are just starting to move to the second step of the process and so he is moving forward at a snail's pace. He is busy every day collaborating with previous clients and keeping his contacts close, as well as looking for new opportunities. I am so thankful to have a husband with so much tenacity and perseverance.
Financially we are struggling and every month it gets more difficult, but I know that this is part of God's plan for us and I just keep trying to have faith that we will make it through day-by-day. When I get scared or overtly worried I close my eyes, push that anxiety away and have faith that somehow we will pay the rent, car payments, insurance, etc. By the grace of God we have made it this far.
For me faith is so much more than a word, a feeling or an act. Faith is my story, my heart and my soulful belief that even the deepest of hours can be for good. You will often hear me say, even in my sadness or disbelief, that we needed this wake up call and that I know that this has changed us for the better. I know that I am so much more joyful than I ever was before and that I never could have found this inner peace without losing so much in return. I miss being able to pay the bills with ease, or buying whatever I need at the grocery store, treating friends to a meal, buying my kids new shoes, or just having any kind of financial freedom. I miss just feeling normal. But, I know that God is specifically working on me and my family to build us a new life filled with blessings, hope and joy and that is what I hang my heart on every day. God has plans for me and I am faithful to follow down His path because I know that it is fruitful and full of miracles when He is ready for us to receive them.
I pray with all of my heart that He can sustain us until then.