Day 224 - Weak

Looking back over the last few years I can remember the most poignant times as those when I was holding onto something tightly and finally threw up my hands and just gave it to God. I can almost remember where I was each time and what I was doing when I said, "fine God, whatever you want, I will let go." It happened with our home, my debt, looking for a job, becoming a stay-at-home mom, trying to find a place to rent (twice), and a few other memorable moments. The more we lose control, the easier it is to hold onto something specific, anything. And when I hold on, I hold on with all of my might. I imagine God sees it as me closing my eyes, shaking my head no at him and humming to tune him out. I stand my ground and try so hard to make it work, whatever it is. But eventually, like all the times before, I know that I have to let go and just let God's will take its course. That is a hard moment to come by. I hate letting go of what comforts me, especially since it has happened so much. Sometimes I want to just tell God to leave me alone, I am doing His work after all!

Mark and I are at another crossroad in our journey and while I am tired of them, I know that they are going to happen until God has finished this part of His plan for us. So yesterday I threw my hands up in the air, once again, and surrendered to His plan. After all, I am not in control. However I am not losing heart because I know that God's plan for us is far better than I ever could have made for myself so I will wait patiently and let him lead us. I am reminded of some notes I put in my prayer journal:

"Have the courage to see the fulfillment of God's promises to us."

"I am not looking for a tweak, I am looking for a transformation."

"Often servant hood and submission mark the truest test of an anointed person."

I also feel like my faith hinges on the fact that I know that life can change in a matter of seconds and that miracles can happen at any time. I just need to keep being faithful and steadfast. I love this verse I came across as I was writing this post:

"Three times I begged the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak." -2 Corinthians 12:8-9 (NIRV)
"When I am weak, I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:10 (NIRV)
Powerful. While I may feel weak for all that I don't have, my faith is strong. And I have to say that I feel like a much stronger and more confident person than I have ever felt before. That is no coincidence. You can read the verse in its entirety here.