Day 221 - Fighter

I started playing tennis as a teeny little girl and it was a huge part of my life until I moved away to college. As I child I played daily, took lessons, competed in tournaments, and played Varsity all through high school. It was something that I was good at and I loved it. But, we knew from very early on that although I was competitive and won a lot, I lacked one important thing, I didn't have that cutthroat spirit. There were times that I actually felt bad for a competitor and somehow managed to let them beat me...I think I gave my dad multiple heart attacks because it was so frustrating. I loved winning but I was never willing to mop someone up on the floor to do it. I wish I would have been like that, maybe I would still be playing competitive tennis today, but it's just not in my DNA.

Sometimes I still feel like I lack that fighter in me, although in my everyday life I am fiery and stubborn. I work hard, I am not afraid to do things, and I always take the extra step to succeed, but at the end of the day I know in my heart that I could push myself even more. There is something in me that stops myself. I don't know if it's fear or self-control, but it's there. Right now I feel like that fighter in me is waiting at the same wall that she always walks away from, you know the one I have built up over the years. We may just have financial stress but I feel like this is the fight of my life. The fight to have faith, to trust, to believe, to succeed and to tell the ways of the world to watch out because I am not afraid to fight them. It's my fight to make it out of this darkness and to become more than I ever dreamed. I am fighting every day for this life and I wonder if this time around I will finally let go and fight my way to victory. In a way, and even with faith, we are constantly fighting for our own life and a better life for our families. I just wonder if I can do it. If there was ever a time that I could, it would be now because I am not fighting alone.

"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us." -Romans 8:37 (NASB)

And by the way I am weirdly inspired by Justin Bieber's song Never Say Never, it's like my own little anthem (but please don't tell anyone, I'm totally embarrassed).