"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV1984)
I have heard this verse through out my life and I know it by heart, yet I have never once associated it with my struggles. But here it is right in front of me offering a promise that I need, a promise that I am leaning on right now more than ever.
Right now I am paying every single bill by the grace of God and we are at a point where I have no idea what can or will be paid in the future, including rent, car payments, medical insurance, etc. Every week we wait and see what money is coming in and we do what we can with it, there is no special formula. But then again, here we are eight months after Mark was laid off and we are still in our home and so far everything that absolutely has to be paid has been paid. It's crazy. Our story is proof that God is handling our finances, not us and He will continue to do so. It has been made very clear to me this year that I am not supposed to worry about tomorrow and I am supposed to have faith that God will help us get those bills paid, even if it seems impossible. I really was not able to grasp that until more recently while reflecting on checks or gift cards put into our lives on the exact day that we needed them. Our prayers have been answered every time, maybe not with Mark getting a job to pay our bills, but with all of our needs being met. I know that nothing is impossible. I have complete faith that it will work out and the scarier our situation gets the less I worry. I am forever changed. I cannot wait to share our story of this time in our life in more detail once the chapter has been closed.
According to our pastor today a life of faith includes risk, relying on God, obeying Him and expecting Him to act based on your faith. I would love to use this blog and my life right now as an example.
1. Faith is risking or trusting God when He asks us to step-out. For me, God clearly told me to take a risk and start this blog. It was scary, personal and not exactly the image you want to portray to others if you are trying to keep up with everyone. I did it despite all of those things and it has changed my life. It has made me dive deeper into my faith, it has kept me honest with myself and it has taught me more than I could ever imagine about love, joy, and the goodness of others. It is an example of why we need to trust God when He asks us to take risks.
2. Faith is relying on God. For me, it would be much easier just to rely on myself. I have always been great at that! Relying on God is hard because you have to let go of all of your fears and I have built up a lot of fears through out my life. It is also believing that our situation is for good, even though it feels so hard a lot of the time. It is accepting that He is taking me through pain, humility and obedience to build me up, and that is so much better than any path I would have taken myself. It is knowing that He is at work in my life and in my blog for good and only for good.
3. Faith is obeying God. I could easily be one of the most stubborn people you have ever known; it's a really strong possibility. But, I have had to surrender and let go of my stubbornness more times than I can count, to God and to others. Faith is an action and ever since I have become more obedient, I have become happier! Since I have started my blog I have given all parts of my life to God, including the ones I had folded my arms and refused to let go of before. And, even just recently God has given me some new directions with this blog and I have just been sitting on them, taking my time. Once I heard this part of the message I wrote in my notes that I must obey Him and move forward without delay! He cannot bless me if I do nothing!
4. Faith is expecting. This is what I was talking about earlier, expecting that God will act based on my trust in Him. Right now it is expecting that He will take care of us financially and that He will point me in the right direction. That even this blog has a larger purpose and if I am faithful with it, I can expect that He will take it further and make my words stronger than I ever could have done on my own. I have noticed that as time has moved on, I am calling out to Him less in desperation and moving with him more in faith.
I am still just starting to understand how to live a life of faith, it's like a beautiful book has been opened in front of me and I am trying to look at all of the pictures before I read all of the words. But I am doing it nonetheless. I hope that somehow my struggles can help inspire you to work through yours. I'm at elhajs@aol.com if you need support.
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