Day 184 - A long week

This has been a really weird week for me because it was kind of themed to be all about myself. I struggled a lot this week with my appearance and all of the shame and the feelings that come with that struggle. I just felt bad about myself in the worst way. It was depressing. But then I had some amazing people do some really special things for me out of the blue that totally lifted me up. They were thoughtful little luxuries that cannot be shared with my kids or hubby. They were definitely God sent (thanks R&L and M) and of course in perfect timing. I ended the week being sick which forced me to rest and not think about food and my body for two days and then not surprisingly at church the message spoke directly to me about winning your internal battle. God really does have a hand in your life when you are struggling the most. I asked and I received.

I just want to share what spoke to me at church today. Our internal battles are filled with confusion, guilt, shame, compulsions, addictions, self-condemnation, frustration, discouragement and despair. I literally felt every one of those emotions this week in my battle with my physical appearance. I tried to have will power, but I couldn't do it on my own and Pastor Rick says that we can't do it on our own, that will power doesn't work because it is only short term. The way to be victorious is to deepen our understanding of Christ, detect and disarm the lies we believe and share our struggles with others. Meaning we have to trust that God can get us through it, we have to be honest with ourselves and admit we have a problem by confessing our sin and then we need to find someone to share our struggle with. We cannot fight whatever our internal battle is alone, whether it's food, alcohol or whatever is bearing down on your life.

I know I am not the only one in a painful struggle right now. Know that you are not alone and that you cannot do it alone! But, you can be victorious over yourself. Right before I got sick I told God that I cannot conquer my eating and my weight all by myself and that I need His help. I know that He will help me get to a better place where I can fight for my happiness again. I hope you can get there too.