Day 57 - A new lesson

I think one of the lessons I am learning the most right now is about appearance, about the way we appear to other people in certain situations or just the way we are perceived. I have had a grip on this lesson before, but not in this magnitude.

How many times a day do we criticize the actions of others (friends, neighbors, television stars or strangers)? We say, "Why would she do that?", "I think he did that because....", "If I was her I would have done this instead," "What were they thinking?" or "I cannot believe it." I am not going to pretend that I have not inserted my opinion a million times about what other people do and why I think they were wrong or crazy (my nature is to be very opinionated)! I'm not sure that this is something we can necessarily erase from our lives.... but often it is just gossip and here-say. Sometimes we are just being malicious and sometimes we just like to hear ourselves talk without any proof of what we are saying.

Lately I have cared more than I should about the opinions of others. If I am shopping for a necessary item or a gift, I am nervous I will run into someone who reads this blog. Last week Mark and I went on a date and used a gift card, but if someone saw us they would assume that we were having an extravagant dinner. I worry about it all the time, no really, all the time. But here's the thing. My insecurity is teaching me something precious. I can learn to try and let people live their lives without my opinion. I can learn to not question other peoples' motives and I can also learn to give people some breathing room, some understanding and some trust. Basically, I can learn not to be so judgmental, which is a hard lesson for me.

I am worn out from worry so I know it's time for me to stop caring. The road Mark and I are on right now is a long one and if I keep this up, I'm just going to make myself sick. But the lesson is something that I will keep with me. Kind of like the lesson I learned when I said we would never short sale our house, and yet we did. I learned to never say never because you don't know what tomorrow will bring.

"When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." -John 8:7