Since I was a little girl, I have always felt that God has told me that I would do big things some day. Not just have a great job or have a beautiful family (which are big things), but really big things. Like epic things. Well, epic in my proportion....I'm not talking about being Oprah or winning the Noble Peace Prize, but definitely reaching big aspirations. I will be turning 31 this year and over the last year I have been feeling extra impatient about doing these "big things." I am starting to doubt my ability, God's ability and the actualization that I could do it. I am also wondering what the heck God could possibly have for me to do? I mean right now I'm a mom and I run a little business. I have less money and less responsibility than I did 3 years ago. How can I be headed anywhere big? Where in the world would I be headed? It just doesn't seem possible anymore. I have lost hope in the promise that God put in my heart years ago and I have lost faith in the possibility that I can do whatever it is. I am just me now and this me just doesn't feel like the me I was before, when I was climbing some kind of ladder.
God, what is going on? Did you change your mind? Did I make it all up? Am I supposed to know what these big things are, because I don't? I remember one church service said that to get where you want to be you need to be able to describe exactly what you want. I can't do that on this topic because I don't know what plans I have felt God has always had for me. I just always knew in my heart that they were there. Here's the thing though, I'm not going to give up all the hope I have, the hope that God will allow me to do big things, whatever they may be. I don't want to lose that feeling in my heart that I have had since I was little girl. I want to keep having faith that God's plans for me are in the works. I know sometimes God will strip you down before he will unleash his plans for you so that you can see it with open eyes and a pure heart.....I am just hoping that is what he is doing with me. And every time (which is all the time) that I feel lost and inadequate I am just going to keep looking forward and reminding myself that it is possible and I can do whatever it is that he has laid out for me. No matter how impossible it feels. I will keep this bible verse attached to my heart:
"These things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!" Hab. 2:3
Don't give up hope on your dreams either. Just because right now isn't what you thought it would be, doesn't mean that tomorrow or the day after can't be the day to change everything.
Hi Amanda! The moment I read this, I thought of this message our pastor preached on a few weeks ago. It is on exactly what you are feeling. I hope that you can find some encouragement through it. :)
ReplyDeletehttp://thecity.org/media/message/partially_fulfilled/