Day 50 - A little crazy

It's funny to say, but sometimes writing this blog makes me feel a little crazy. I think it's because I do expose my emotions every night when I write this, so I have to reflect on my feelings a lot. My true, nitty gritty feelings. I know some of you may wonder why I share so many personal experiences on this blog (depression, short sale, finances, etc.). I do it so that it's real. By sharing my life I can hopefully become a part of yours. I don't want this blog to shower you with perfection. Those blogs are awesome for giving people inspiration for parties, decor, photography or family activities but I don't think it gives people real hope. If I can have enough faith for a full year then maybe I can help you have enough faith just to help you through one really bad day or experience.

So why does writing this blog make me feel crazy? My post yesterday was all about decorating my house. It was about it being okay to care about things while being grateful for what you have. I loved yesterday's post and I am excited about my task. Tonight though, I had a rare silent moment. The baby woke up for some reason and I just cradled him downstairs on the couch in total silence. In my tiny house I could hear my hubby and other two kids stirring. All the lights were off, the wind was howling and I know it was raining outside. I just held my precious baby in the dark and thanked God over and over again for "my husband, my children and a roof over my head." Everything else is really just clutter. I probably thanked him fifteen times. And even though I want so many things right now like more money, things for my kids, a future full of promise, I told God that if things are the same for the rest of my life but I have my husband, children and a roof over my head I will be eternally happy. I truly mean it. There are those moments when everything clears away and you see what really matters. That's it (of course I want to add my family, friends, food, and basic necessities to that list but I think God knows that).

I know that I gain more appreciation for life, necessities and extravagance from these moments. I think you have to strip your life down to the bare bones and see what matters most to you so that you can begin to build yourself back up into a life that will have meaning and purpose. I truly mean what I say, if I have nothing more for the rest of my life but I have my family and a safe place to call home, I will be fine. I can make a fulfilling life with what I have. Of course I hope that I will have a really large beautiful home of my own one day and full bank account to match, but I know that nothing is promised and every day is a gift.

My daily posts may seem crazy in nature and even completely opposite from one day to the next but this is my experience and I'm sticking with it. Living a life of growing faith opens your eyes to the truths in your life and opens your heart to meaning of raw and honest love. I can't wait to see what each day and experience will continue to bring me, even if it makes me feel a little crazy writing about it.