Day 34 - Being authentic

A particular theme has appeared in my life a few times lately.

Last week a friend sent me a link to a video of a researcher speaking on the human connection. I want to share some of the notes I took from this on a later post, but this blog post is about something she mentioned that was very brief. She said, "We pretend that what we do doesn't have an affect on people. We do that in our personal lives, we do that corporate, whether it's a bailout, oil spill, a recall."

When Mark was laid off they did it 3 weeks before Christmas. His boss called him and immediately put the HR guy on the line. It was all business during that layoff. His boss never called afterward to say anything. He never personally contacted Mark again. I don't think it could have been colder. Of course he worked for a big company and I am sure that there are strict instructions about layoffs in fear of being sued. However, everyone is afraid of everyone and no one could speak up and say that it is inappropriate to lay someone off right before Christmas. I'm sorry, it is. No budget line item should be worth that. And although they said to him that it wasn't personal, it was. It was very personal. It still is personal. I'm not angry about it, but there needs to be a little humanity when you are laying someone off. Maybe just an "I'm sorry" or maybe just some compassion with timing.

When I received the email that I did not get the job I interviewed for, it was from one of the women I spoke with on my phone interview. It was a generic email that was most likely used to respond back to people who submitted their resumes but did not get an interview. It said, "At the present time no position is available that would utilize your skills and experience." There was more to the email, but obviously during the interview we discussed at great length all of my skills and experience that matched the job description. This was not a personal email or even an appropriate follow up letter. I don't know how much more impersonal it could be. I understand that she is busy, but to take 3 extra minutes to send an email that says, "Thank you for taking the time to interview with us. It was a pleasure to get to know you. Unfortunately we have filled the Marketing Manager position but we wish you much success in your future endeavors" would have made me feel completely different. Those words took me 10 second to write. The generic and not applicable email made me feel really unimportant.

We have all fallen on hard times. People need compassion. People need connection. I know my examples are job related, but these things happen every day. We do something for ourselves but do not acknowledge that someone may have been hurt. All people want is to feel like they are important enough for your time and like the researcher said in the video, people just want you to be authentic with them.

How can we be more authentic with people? I looked through some old notes and Googled "bible verses about being compassionate" online. Here are some that I found:

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble." 1 Peter 3:8

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

"Everything you do must be done with love." 1 Cor. 16:14

"Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love." Eph. 4:2

"...By his faith, Noah showed that the world was wrong, and he became one of those who are made right with God through faith." Heb 11:7b

I am not proclaiming to be good at this, but I am trying to be more aware of it. It's not easy and I know that I fail at it often but I am going to try harder to be authentic and to acknowledge how my actions affect others. I am going to take the extra time when I respond to someone. Maybe if we all try a little harder to acknowledge that our actions affect others, we can begin to stand up for the things (big or small) that do not seem right. We all face situations at work, at home, in groups of friends, and in our community where we can be more compassionate. Where we can be the example of how being authentic can make everyone feel more connected. We can make a difference in everything that we do.