Day 295 - Ambition

I think that ambition has been a part of me since I was a little kid. I have always wanted to achieve, win, do more, and be something. Although I lack that killer instinct, I am not afraid to try new things or of failing at them. Since I have been motivated by ambition I looked up its meaning on dictionary.com today.

am·bi·tion 

1. An earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment. 

2. The object, state, or result desired or sought after.

3. Desire for work or activity; energy.

4. To seek after earnestly; aspire to.

Why am I sharing this? I had a really amazing moment last week. While I have always been ambitious, especially in my career, My Year of Faith has completely changed my heart. Yes, I want so many things out of my life and I am trying to get them. But, while driving my kids home from the zoo last week, I felt something come over me. I felt a peace in my heart that told me that if the best thing I ever do is raise my children into amazing adults, then I will have lived the most joyful life I could ever know. Maybe God didn't create me to be the powerful woman I have always wanted to be (wouldn't He have given me that killer instinct?), or maybe He did, I don't know. Maybe He made me to be a mentor, a nurturer, a teacher, and a mom. After all, the woman I thought I wanted to be would have never wanted three children, and look at me, I still would love more. Maybe He is telling me that ambition won't tame my heart, which is where I live most of the time. But really what I think He is revealing is that true contentment and joy come from living my life with everything that I already have and seeing how wonderful that really is.

This year has shown me that everything you achieve can be gone in a heartbeat. That the love I pour into my children and the world around me will stay with me forever. That I need to love my life deeply before I can properly go out and expand it. That raising my kids is something I am passionate about. And, while I will continue to have ambitions, find my purpose, and try to fulfill my dreams, I will no longer measure my greatness by what honor or fame comes along. I will learn to be content with all of the riches that He gives me. My life has evolved so much this year; God has somehow molded me and reshaped my heart, while keeping my spirit alive. I am still me, just different. I never stop being amazed at how He is changing my life. That he can take away my strong desires and somehow make them better, and with much less.