Day 285 - Things on my mind

Last night I realized that since Mark was laid off I have only been reading non-fiction books and I am only interested in documentaries or movies based on true stories. It's kind of weird looking back, but I think I have only wanted to immerse myself in real life so that I could begin to understand what life is all about. I want to feel real life, I want to see it, and I want to read about it. Obviously I have been trying to dive deeper into all of the emotions I have felt over the last few years and try and see or read what others have gone through in their own situations. Maybe I am trying to connect to the human spirit and other people's emotions. Maybe I was hurting enough that I didn't want to live in fairy tales. All I know is that it has stuck with me and I don't think it will change anytime soon.

Since the clouds are starting to part for us I am seeing all of the things that have been neglected and overshadowed by our circumstances. Let's face it; we needed to be focused these last few months on getting us through. Now I am seeing that it's time to look around and tend better to friendships, our home, giving, my kids needs, relationships, etc. I know that it's in my heart to be available for people who are going through tough times, and also for my friends who are maybe just having a bad day. It's a little overwhelming to be honest, but I don't want to be the person who is only focused on themself while someone they love is hurting. I am sure I have done that a lot recently, but I don't want to do it anymore. I know that this must be part of finishing up My Year of Faith strong, only 80 more days to see what God has in store for me and to be able to write about how this year centered on faith will change my life.

For those of you who might wonder what I will do when the year is up, I am thinking of starting a whole new year. Maybe a year of grace, love, or joy. I'm not sure but hopefully God will lead me where He wants me to go, just as He whispered to me to write this blog.