Day 276 - 102 days left

I only have 89 days left of My Year of Faith, which brings me mixed feelings. On one hand I feel like I have been talking non-stop for 276 days and I know that I have said many of the same things or feelings over and over again. Yet, on the other hand I feel so ill equipped because I have only been diving deep into the faith that pertains to my situation. I feel kind of stuck. Things are getting better so there is less gloom and doom. I had so many hopeless days and nights this year, I feel like that cloud has moved on in our life, partly situational and partly out of maturity. But the other part of me is so scared that I will begin to pick up my life again and leave that deep connection I have had with God. How can I possibly compare or relate to the times when I was on my knees begging God to make it better? I don't want to be disconnected, but somehow I already feel it a little bit. It's easier to get to that place with Him when you are terrified. So I guess my next 89 days needs to be focused on rebuilding, connecting, and figuring out how to keep my faith prevalent and strong in just an ordinary day. I am hoping that what I will discover is that in fact, my faith has just evolved and if I went back to that place of desperation, my trust would be strong enough that I would not need to cry out in the same way.