Please keep us in your prayers. Mark had an interview last week and another one this week. I am praying that one of them will be the one.
I just want to wish you a wonderful week and say thank you for reading my heart.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Day 136 - My guilt
I have noticed a change in me lately, something I am not familiar with. Being on a budget has made me feel guilty about small pleasures. Even simple things that I never would have thought twice about make me feel undeserving. Case in point, my sweet husband surprised me with a gift card on Mother's Day to get a manicure and pedicure for the wedding we went to. This is a pretty normal practice in my not-so-broke life but this time it felt very indulgent and I felt guilty getting it. I am constantly questioning the things that I am buying for myself, which is barely anything. I am in this very weird place where even getting a gift makes me feel nervous. I think some of it is this blog, I don't want people seeing me buy something and think I am being deceiving (I promise I have gift cards) but I also think God is preparing me for something else. I don't think, I know. I know God is preparing me to have a balance in my life of the good things, the necessary things and the we-don't-need things. I know that when this is done I will have a nice balance of the life I had before and the life I am living now. I won't feel guilty getting a manicure for a special event, but I will learn to say no to the impulse shopping that was my past life. I can't wait to get to that balance; hopefully it will come soon starting with a job for Mark.
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I know you said thank you for "reading your heart," but I owe you an even BIGGER thanks for "sharing" your heart! P.S. and you deserve EVERY second of that mani/pedi! I firmly believe it's the things like that, that "recharge" us and allow us to continue to weather the storm. Besides, looking down at pedicured toes are bound to put you in a good mood:) :)
ReplyDeleteI feel this way when Dave is on deployment and has not purchase anything for six months and I am off "shopping" everyday, even though it might be diapers and milk. We all need a little me time and that is not something we should ever feel guilty about.
ReplyDeleteI am moved by your words. I was Googling this morning what does it mean to be spiritually mature when it comes to understanding no and not yet. I feel blessed to have been guided to your blog. God bless you and your family.
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