Day 166 - Home

For some reason today I am mourning the loss of owning my own home. It's not really the owning part that is eating at me, it's the having a space that I love and can make my own part. It is also the feeling that I am now so far away from being in that home that could easily be the home we live in forever. It's like the dream I had just keeps slipping away more and more, like so many dreams that I had before. I feel unsettled.

Sometimes I wish I could have at least chosen this journey that I am on instead of being forced into it. I wish that at a time like this I could say to myself, "this is the leap of faith that you took to get to your dream, you knew it could be like this!" But I can't. I do have to say though, the more I keep saying all of this, the more I feel like I am throwing myself a pity party. So I am just going to stop right here. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me because I am good. In fact I feel very blessed. I realize that we may be in this situation, but because of God's blessings and the blessings of friends and family, our refrigerator and our closets are full. I am so lucky. It could be so much worse.

So today I am going to take it one day at a time. I am not going to worry about the future, but be optimistic and hopeful instead. I am going to believe that anything is possible and time is in God's hand. Yes, He can take away but He can also give us so much, and He can do it in a blink of an eye. I am going to be faithful, praying for what we need immediately and then praying for what I yearn for but also be grateful for what I have. God already knows my heart.

"For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10