Thursday, June 2, 2011

Day 153 - I need more faith

Tomorrow will be exactly six months from when Mark was laid off. Can you believe it? I never would have believed it three years ago when we were fighting to learn to live on one income, that one day we would go six months without any income. What a long journey we have been on. I have to tell you something though; I have more peace inside of me right now than I ever could have imagined. I have more trust in myself and more confidence in my decisions. I guess having to make really hard choices for your family builds your inner voice. I am genuinely happier because I savor the sweeter things in life and I feel like my little family is closer and stronger than ever, especially my marriage. I also understand the definition of true friendship; the people who stick with you even though it may not be the most fun place to be. I am growing into the woman God created me to be, no doubt. Faith has carried me through these last six months by presenting itself in the word of God and by showing me what it means to walk towards the path that was created for me.

While all of those things are so amazing I have to admit that I am still broken. I have this amazing peace in my soul but I am battling my physical self constantly. I may not feel completely stressed every second, but I am eating any anxiety that I have away, literally. My body is taking the brunt of my stress. I rationalize that it is okay to eat, eat, eat because I need to fill the void that this situation has left in me. I am using food to drown out my sorrow. It is really embarrassing and I can feel every pound I have put on weighing myself down. Why have I have surrendered everything to God, except for this?

God is surely not done with me yet. I pray mightily that Mark will get a job as soon as possible so that we can protect what we have left. I also pray that He will continue to work in me and now use my faith to help me get through this other obstacle in my life. I know that I need to surrender it to Him and pray daily that He will give me the strength to make better food decisions. I need to believe that I can conquer this too. I need to prove that faith can help me get through anything, faith in God and faith in myself.

Posted by Amanda at 12:05 AM

3 comments:

  1. The Shaft'sJune 2, 2011 at 7:55 AM

    xoxo :(

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  2. Heather951June 2, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    I will be praying all day for you and Mark and your family!

    25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?

    28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
    Matthew 6:25-34

    You have great faith and I really enjoy your blog! :)

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  3. AJune 2, 2011 at 9:53 PM

    hang in there, keep your eyes on HIM! Your struggles with food is something most (me too) women deal with. Thanks for being real and sharing it out loud.I will also be praying for your family.

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