My Year of Faith is complete, but you can still read the whole year.
The best way to read is by month (in the right hand column).
That way you only need to click 12 times!
Start with January 2011!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Day 365 - Endings and new beginnings
I want to dedicate My Year of Faith to:
My hubby Mark for allowing me to share our very personal story, for believing in my craziness, for supporting my dreams, and for working so hard to get us through this year. I love you.
My parents for reading, sharing, editing, loving, and believing in me.
And for all of the little luxuries you gave us to brighten our days.
My three sweet kids for proving to me and to the world that children can adapt and thrive through all kinds of changes (and for loving me even when we couldn't afford a trip to McDonalds).
And to my sisters, our dearest friends, our family, and the sweet readers who were our village this year.
I will be forever grateful to each and every one of you.
I will be forever grateful to each and every one of you.
Come back tomorrow to see where the new year will take me.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Day 364 - A letter
Dear God,
How does one write a thank you letter to you? I have already written it in my heart a million times and I know I have whispered it to you on my knees in prayer. But this time, well this is the thank you note that will be saved forever.
Why did you find me so worthy of this journey? This lesson, this change, this growth? Everyone looking in saw it as devastation, and I must admit I felt that way many times too, but it was abundantly clear that although it would be difficult, we would survive. You handpicked me and blessed me with knowledge and truths that were whispered to me over this year. Perhaps in times of trouble, you whisper to everyone but they cannot hear? Why was I lucky enough to hear it so clearly from the beginning? That this was my journey and that it would all be for good and not to harm us? That sometimes you need to take things away from us, or perhaps make us wait, so that we can see the true miracles of life. I feel abundantly blessed coming from my most difficult year. Thank you for your grace.
I am sitting here with little money in my wallet and an abundance of bills to pay, and yet I feel joyful. I feel grateful. I feel close to you. Lord, I know that you have been working on me for quite awhile now. I saw it coming, but I think I tried to hide my eyes. When you took it all away, I was ready. You had already manifested patience, trust, and faith into my heart so that I would be able to keep moving forward. You lit a spark inside of me, and held my hand when I was scared. You gave us just enough to get by, but you also took just enough away so we could see what it was like to be on the other side. We saw what it was like to really struggle day-to-day. To have so much uncertainty and to always be waiting for the last minute. You made us meek, you humbled us, and you turned our lives around. You made us uncomfortable and you made us rely on other people. And yet, you showed us what love truly is. You showed us the true human spirit, the kindness of others, and how we should spend our lives serving others. You forced us to see the big picture. There were a lot of tears and I tried to bargain, but in the end you had it all planned out. It was on your time instead of mine, and that is always perfect timing.
Today, I am so thankful for the life that you have given me. For every moment that taught me the importance of family, shelter, and food on the table. Thank you for allowing me to wake up each day to my husband and to my children. Thank you for all of the small miracles and the big laughter that surrounded us. I understand what a home really is right now, it's wherever we are together. Thank you for giving us opportunities in the new year to get our life back on track. Thank you for showing me that I am worthy of your love and that no one can take that away from me. Thank you for teaching me that my goodness comes from within me, and not from anyone else. Thank you for giving me the words every day to leave here on my blog, and thank you for every single person who reads them.
My faith is strong, my heart is centered, and my eyes are focused. I know that it will not be easy, but I will keep moving forward, towards the next mountain, adventure, or pit that waits for me. I can make it through anything, because I know that I can trust you and that my faith will carry me wherever I need to go. When life seems like it is too much to bear, I will remember that I will not drown. I will remember that I am not alone.
Thank you for everything. For the good, the bad, the devastating, the ugly, the cruel, the joyful, and for peace. You have shown me that we cannot truly see your plans, until we are looking back. That in every situation, there is a miracle and a blessing hidden within, we just have to have the courage and the faith to see it through. Thank you for giving me a 365-day lesson about real faith.
Forever grateful,
How does one write a thank you letter to you? I have already written it in my heart a million times and I know I have whispered it to you on my knees in prayer. But this time, well this is the thank you note that will be saved forever.
Why did you find me so worthy of this journey? This lesson, this change, this growth? Everyone looking in saw it as devastation, and I must admit I felt that way many times too, but it was abundantly clear that although it would be difficult, we would survive. You handpicked me and blessed me with knowledge and truths that were whispered to me over this year. Perhaps in times of trouble, you whisper to everyone but they cannot hear? Why was I lucky enough to hear it so clearly from the beginning? That this was my journey and that it would all be for good and not to harm us? That sometimes you need to take things away from us, or perhaps make us wait, so that we can see the true miracles of life. I feel abundantly blessed coming from my most difficult year. Thank you for your grace.
I am sitting here with little money in my wallet and an abundance of bills to pay, and yet I feel joyful. I feel grateful. I feel close to you. Lord, I know that you have been working on me for quite awhile now. I saw it coming, but I think I tried to hide my eyes. When you took it all away, I was ready. You had already manifested patience, trust, and faith into my heart so that I would be able to keep moving forward. You lit a spark inside of me, and held my hand when I was scared. You gave us just enough to get by, but you also took just enough away so we could see what it was like to be on the other side. We saw what it was like to really struggle day-to-day. To have so much uncertainty and to always be waiting for the last minute. You made us meek, you humbled us, and you turned our lives around. You made us uncomfortable and you made us rely on other people. And yet, you showed us what love truly is. You showed us the true human spirit, the kindness of others, and how we should spend our lives serving others. You forced us to see the big picture. There were a lot of tears and I tried to bargain, but in the end you had it all planned out. It was on your time instead of mine, and that is always perfect timing.
Today, I am so thankful for the life that you have given me. For every moment that taught me the importance of family, shelter, and food on the table. Thank you for allowing me to wake up each day to my husband and to my children. Thank you for all of the small miracles and the big laughter that surrounded us. I understand what a home really is right now, it's wherever we are together. Thank you for giving us opportunities in the new year to get our life back on track. Thank you for showing me that I am worthy of your love and that no one can take that away from me. Thank you for teaching me that my goodness comes from within me, and not from anyone else. Thank you for giving me the words every day to leave here on my blog, and thank you for every single person who reads them.
My faith is strong, my heart is centered, and my eyes are focused. I know that it will not be easy, but I will keep moving forward, towards the next mountain, adventure, or pit that waits for me. I can make it through anything, because I know that I can trust you and that my faith will carry me wherever I need to go. When life seems like it is too much to bear, I will remember that I will not drown. I will remember that I am not alone.
Thank you for everything. For the good, the bad, the devastating, the ugly, the cruel, the joyful, and for peace. You have shown me that we cannot truly see your plans, until we are looking back. That in every situation, there is a miracle and a blessing hidden within, we just have to have the courage and the faith to see it through. Thank you for giving me a 365-day lesson about real faith.
Forever grateful,
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Day 363 - This year
This selection was from part of the talk I gave at MOPS on December 6th.
My blog started spreading a bit through friends, family, and Facebook. Suddenly people were leaving gift cards, a bag of groceries, or diapers on our doorstep. Many small (but really grand) gestures. The less we had, the more I begged God to help us in any way that He could. I begged Him to rescue us, and while He would never make everything better, suddenly at the last minute the $200 I needed to pay a necessity would show up in the mail from a long-lost friend. Sometimes from strangers. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, people were helping us more and more to survive. I don’t think they new how bad we needed the help, we had lost every penny we owned, but God knew it and He always rescued us in the nick of time.
I can't explain how dark it got for me in our pit, but it was by far the most desperate and difficult time in my life, and I had suffered from depression since I was 17. I couldn’t even feel envious of a friend’s new outfit or house; I just wanted to be able to afford to go to the grocery store. It was in this time that I learned to be joyful in all circumstances. If God can take away every penny you have earned, He can take away anything. Your children’s health, your shelter, your family and your life. You begin to be thankful for what you have. I began thanking God for everything He gave us, even while waiting in line at the food bank. I also learned to be happy and not envious of others, that every one has their time and that I have no right to rob someone else of their joy because of my sorrows. At this time my faith was running so deep and my connection to God was so strong, that I saw life for what it is … a blessing. No matter how it is packaged. I had no time or room to be angry with God, I was just moving forward. Walking up the mountain of my journey one step at a time.
God was there with us. People continued to lift us up. We would receive $500 in cash, a $1000 check, or gift cards for food, completely out of the blue. We were surviving. We were paying our rent, car payments, and our medical insurance. That is love in action. Some people were friends others were someone we had barely known sometime in our life. People bought my son school supplies, a backpack, they gave us hand me downs, and shoes. I couldn’t even afford to put shoes on my child's feet. Now I was accepting anything and everything people gave us, because I had to for my kids. I had never let people help us before this time, but always preached that they needed to let me bless them in their hard times. Now I was living my own words.
I also noticed that I was slowly changing into the woman I always wanted to be. It was amazing to see that the woman I had always wanted to be had nothing to do with what I owned. God taught me that. God changed my heart in the most profound ways and He met me in my darkness. He slowly molded me into a stay-at-home mom, it took a long time but He did it and I cherish that more than words. He helped me make hard decisions that didn’t make sense but taught me to follow His whispers instead of logic. He made me less bitter, less fearful and less angry. He changed my soul, my desires and my worth. He slowly became the most loving kind of teacher I could imagine. Like I said, God broke me down but He built me up. He took it all away, let me sit in the dark, taught me to fight for myself, and then emerge a new person. But what He did most was tell me that all of the pain was for good and the way that I decided to accept my circumstances would completely determine the outcome. He cannot save us, unless we trust Him and then meet Him there.
I became available to hear Him at night, through prayer, in my prayer journal, in the His word, at bible studies, at church, and in books and devotions. God throws us lifelines and guidebooks all of the time; we just have to see them. God spoke to me a lot. When I started piecing everything together, I saw that by handling the darkest situations with faith it would allow me to grow even more.
That was just a small snippet of my talk earlier this month.
Isn't it amazing how God worked in our lives? Loving people pulled us through this year. An amazing couple who barely knew us gave us $1500 in Costco gift cards over 6 months so that we could feed the kids and buy necessities. One of my best friends saved a little bit of her own money every month and one day gifted us over $1000 in cash to help us pay part of our rent on one of the hardest months. A friend I had not seen or spoken to since junior high (16 years) sent us a $500 gift card, the first gift we ever received. A woman whom Mark had worked with ten years ago sent us a $500 check just because she wanted to help. A friend in Hawaii sent us $500 because God put it on her heart one night. A friend handed me a $250 check because she "had a feeling" and it happened to be the day before rent was due, I had been $250 short with no hope in sight. I can go on and on, and I will if you ever want proof of love and miracles. When I had NOTHING, people gave us everything. I prayed to stay in our home, I prayed to feed our kids, I prayed to get us through and they did it, He did it. I can still say, with all certainty, that even though that seems like a lot of money, I still have no idea exactly how we paid all of our necessary bills for a family of five for ten months. It makes no sense that it could have been done, even with all of the generosity, yet it was. It was our own miracle. An envelope in the mail, a knock on the door, or a phone call, all unexpectedly changed our lives over and over again. And God is still giving us little financial miracles every day, He is still getting us through until we can be on our own completely again. He is still giving us joy through it all. He is using others to see us through.
If you are hesitant to believe in God ... I have proof He exists. But my proof lies in faith, the kind you have when you know that God didn't abandon you when everything was taken away. Because I can see in all of the emptiness how He saved us. The proof lies in all of the miracles we experienced day in and day out. Not one of those miracles could be considered anything less, and don't dare call them coincidences.
I now hold my faith up high and my story in my palms for anyone to see.
My blog started spreading a bit through friends, family, and Facebook. Suddenly people were leaving gift cards, a bag of groceries, or diapers on our doorstep. Many small (but really grand) gestures. The less we had, the more I begged God to help us in any way that He could. I begged Him to rescue us, and while He would never make everything better, suddenly at the last minute the $200 I needed to pay a necessity would show up in the mail from a long-lost friend. Sometimes from strangers. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, people were helping us more and more to survive. I don’t think they new how bad we needed the help, we had lost every penny we owned, but God knew it and He always rescued us in the nick of time.
I can't explain how dark it got for me in our pit, but it was by far the most desperate and difficult time in my life, and I had suffered from depression since I was 17. I couldn’t even feel envious of a friend’s new outfit or house; I just wanted to be able to afford to go to the grocery store. It was in this time that I learned to be joyful in all circumstances. If God can take away every penny you have earned, He can take away anything. Your children’s health, your shelter, your family and your life. You begin to be thankful for what you have. I began thanking God for everything He gave us, even while waiting in line at the food bank. I also learned to be happy and not envious of others, that every one has their time and that I have no right to rob someone else of their joy because of my sorrows. At this time my faith was running so deep and my connection to God was so strong, that I saw life for what it is … a blessing. No matter how it is packaged. I had no time or room to be angry with God, I was just moving forward. Walking up the mountain of my journey one step at a time.
God was there with us. People continued to lift us up. We would receive $500 in cash, a $1000 check, or gift cards for food, completely out of the blue. We were surviving. We were paying our rent, car payments, and our medical insurance. That is love in action. Some people were friends others were someone we had barely known sometime in our life. People bought my son school supplies, a backpack, they gave us hand me downs, and shoes. I couldn’t even afford to put shoes on my child's feet. Now I was accepting anything and everything people gave us, because I had to for my kids. I had never let people help us before this time, but always preached that they needed to let me bless them in their hard times. Now I was living my own words.
I also noticed that I was slowly changing into the woman I always wanted to be. It was amazing to see that the woman I had always wanted to be had nothing to do with what I owned. God taught me that. God changed my heart in the most profound ways and He met me in my darkness. He slowly molded me into a stay-at-home mom, it took a long time but He did it and I cherish that more than words. He helped me make hard decisions that didn’t make sense but taught me to follow His whispers instead of logic. He made me less bitter, less fearful and less angry. He changed my soul, my desires and my worth. He slowly became the most loving kind of teacher I could imagine. Like I said, God broke me down but He built me up. He took it all away, let me sit in the dark, taught me to fight for myself, and then emerge a new person. But what He did most was tell me that all of the pain was for good and the way that I decided to accept my circumstances would completely determine the outcome. He cannot save us, unless we trust Him and then meet Him there.
I became available to hear Him at night, through prayer, in my prayer journal, in the His word, at bible studies, at church, and in books and devotions. God throws us lifelines and guidebooks all of the time; we just have to see them. God spoke to me a lot. When I started piecing everything together, I saw that by handling the darkest situations with faith it would allow me to grow even more.
That was just a small snippet of my talk earlier this month.
Isn't it amazing how God worked in our lives? Loving people pulled us through this year. An amazing couple who barely knew us gave us $1500 in Costco gift cards over 6 months so that we could feed the kids and buy necessities. One of my best friends saved a little bit of her own money every month and one day gifted us over $1000 in cash to help us pay part of our rent on one of the hardest months. A friend I had not seen or spoken to since junior high (16 years) sent us a $500 gift card, the first gift we ever received. A woman whom Mark had worked with ten years ago sent us a $500 check just because she wanted to help. A friend in Hawaii sent us $500 because God put it on her heart one night. A friend handed me a $250 check because she "had a feeling" and it happened to be the day before rent was due, I had been $250 short with no hope in sight. I can go on and on, and I will if you ever want proof of love and miracles. When I had NOTHING, people gave us everything. I prayed to stay in our home, I prayed to feed our kids, I prayed to get us through and they did it, He did it. I can still say, with all certainty, that even though that seems like a lot of money, I still have no idea exactly how we paid all of our necessary bills for a family of five for ten months. It makes no sense that it could have been done, even with all of the generosity, yet it was. It was our own miracle. An envelope in the mail, a knock on the door, or a phone call, all unexpectedly changed our lives over and over again. And God is still giving us little financial miracles every day, He is still getting us through until we can be on our own completely again. He is still giving us joy through it all. He is using others to see us through.
If you are hesitant to believe in God ... I have proof He exists. But my proof lies in faith, the kind you have when you know that God didn't abandon you when everything was taken away. Because I can see in all of the emptiness how He saved us. The proof lies in all of the miracles we experienced day in and day out. Not one of those miracles could be considered anything less, and don't dare call them coincidences.
I now hold my faith up high and my story in my palms for anyone to see.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Day 362 - Perspectives
Right now I am reading In Light of Eternity by Randy Alcorn. It's a book about perspectives on Heaven and something my dad recommended. These are the words I copied in my prayer journal last night, words about faith and words that spoke to me about my journey this year.
* Will I forget how God used trials in my life to make me more Christlike? Will I forget the ways he provided for me every day, the strength he gave, the things and people he sent to make me laugh and cry?
* We can't take anything to heaven with us except for the things we've done on earth for the good of others and the glory of God.
* Our faith is demonstrated by our actions; a life of service to God and others is the natural outflow of faith.
Such truths. The word faith has become such an essential part of my life; it will be weird to let it go, in the sense of writing about it every day. It's strange to think that there will be a new word or phrase, and along with it will come new adventures and trials. Certainly God has them planned out already. To me, faith is the most intimate and personal word I can think of. I have been living off of it and trusting in it daily. I know I will never let it go. Understanding what faith truly is has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And yet, faith is something you have to hold on to tightly and never let it go. You let it guide you in your decisions, and you see it in the blessings you would have overlooked. Faith is not only a choice but also a lesson and eternal growth. God will never stop teaching you about faith if you open up your life to him.
Right now I am just in awe of how much my life has changed this year. I am even more in awe that I am more joyful and content than I have ever been in my adult life, despite all of our current financial woes.
* Will I forget how God used trials in my life to make me more Christlike? Will I forget the ways he provided for me every day, the strength he gave, the things and people he sent to make me laugh and cry?
* We can't take anything to heaven with us except for the things we've done on earth for the good of others and the glory of God.
* Our faith is demonstrated by our actions; a life of service to God and others is the natural outflow of faith.
Such truths. The word faith has become such an essential part of my life; it will be weird to let it go, in the sense of writing about it every day. It's strange to think that there will be a new word or phrase, and along with it will come new adventures and trials. Certainly God has them planned out already. To me, faith is the most intimate and personal word I can think of. I have been living off of it and trusting in it daily. I know I will never let it go. Understanding what faith truly is has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And yet, faith is something you have to hold on to tightly and never let it go. You let it guide you in your decisions, and you see it in the blessings you would have overlooked. Faith is not only a choice but also a lesson and eternal growth. God will never stop teaching you about faith if you open up your life to him.
Right now I am just in awe of how much my life has changed this year. I am even more in awe that I am more joyful and content than I have ever been in my adult life, despite all of our current financial woes.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Day 361 - Next path
My Year of Faith is drawing to an end. I only have four more days left. I cannot believe how fast the last few days are going and I feel panicked and anxious about the next four posts. I am worried I won't get to say everything that I want to say. At the same time, I feel like God has taught me so many lessons this year and that My Year of Faith was so much more than I ever could have imagined. I am excited that I made it through the whole year and that I grew and changed in so many ways. I am grateful for having the opportunity to share my story and to give myself to others. My life will never be the same, and in the best way possible. So, while I feel anxious about my year being over, I am also excited for the next adventure in my life. I am still waiting to see exactly where God will take me with a new blog for the 2012 year. I have two new ideas that I am leaving in His hands for the next four days. I want to go wherever He wants to send me, because He certainly had plans for me long before I saw them this year. He turned the hardest year of my life, into the most fulfilling, and He did it all with a simple idea and a blog. Who would have thought?
Please pray for me over the next few days, that I can have a clear vision of the path to take that will honor His glory and also make a difference in someone else's life.
Please pray for me over the next few days, that I can have a clear vision of the path to take that will honor His glory and also make a difference in someone else's life.
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